Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Three More Books That I Read After Seeing the Movie

*There Will Be Spoilers*

1. The Movie: Jaws (1975) Roy Scheider,  Robert Shaw, Richard Dreyfuss

 The Book: Jaws (1974) Peter Benchley

 How do they compare?  Pretty well, as far as I am concerned. The general consensus seems to be that the movie is far superior to the book, but I've never been of that mindset. (I read this book at about age 8 or 9- when my mother saw the love I had for the movie, she gave me her copy, which I still own.) The three biggest changes from book to movie in my head have always been:

1. In the book, Hooper and Ellen Brody are old acquaintances who strike up an affair, an affair that Chief Brody comes to suspect, but never bothers to check out after Hooper gets eaten. In the movie, of course, Brody and Ellen have a great relationship, and Hooper is simply the shark expert who pops in to lend a hand.

2. Quint's death. In the book, he drowns after getting his leg tangled in one of the buoy lines. In the movie, of course, Jaws chomps his ass in half.

3. The shark's death. In the movie, as we all know, Brody saves the fucking day by shoving an air tank into the shark's mouth and then shooting it, making shark sushi. In the book, (which I always found to be more terrifying) Brody is just dog paddling in the water after the boat sinks, watching the buoys come towards him. He closes his eyes, waiting for the sudden, chomping pressure, and when that doesn't come he opens his eyes to find the shark bare inches from his chest, dead (finally) from all of the harpoons. Brody shoves his head underwater and watches as the shark sinks, towing a dead Quint behind him into the deep. The shark explosion is great, but I always preferred the more quiet horror of the book scene.

Movie or Book?  Either. I love the book, I love the movie, I simply cannot pick. Incidentally, Alaska picked me up this little delight-

 -a couple of months back when I was sick. My next purchase is a Quint doll that I plan to bloody up with some paint and shove into Jaws' gaping maw.

2. The Movie: To Die For (1995) Nicole Kidman, Matt Dillon, Joaquin Phoenix, Illeana Douglas

 The Book: To Die For (1992) Joyce Maynard

How do they compare?  Nearly identical, including entire passages of dialogue taken directly from the book. In addition, there is one sentence from the viewpoint of "Suzanne" in the book that never fails to amuse me. On page 204, it reads, "Some people say they're sure to make a movie about this. If so, I'd like to see Julia Roberts play me. Or that actress that just got married to Tom Cruise in real life- I can't think of her name." That sentence, of course, is referencing Nicole Kidman, who does, in fact, end up playing "Suzanne" in the movie.

Movie or Book? Either. While I don't really care for Nicole Kidman as an actress (exceptions are this, Stoker, and Dead Calm) I have an odd love affair with this movie, and it is chock full of other actors/actresses that are easily recognizable. The book offers several different first person viewpoints, including some from people who aren't in the movie, but they really just serve to showcase "Suzanne's" personality. The book delves deeper into Suzanne's childhood, and the endings differ somewhat. In both instances, Suzanne is set up for a secret meeting with a "Hollywood producer." In the book, it is ruled that Suzanne committed suicide after jumping from a bridge, but the first autopsy report (that the cops shred and change, which turns out to be a show of Italian solidarity) shows that she had no water in lungs. She was dead before she hit the water. In the movie, the "Hollywood producer" is shown to be one of the Maretto's "mob connections" that are joked about earlier(in both the book and movie) who strangles her and dumps her in an icy lake. The final scene of the movie is of  Janice Maretto, the victim's sister, ice skating on the frozen lake where the body lies.

3. The MovieThe Silence of the Lambs (1991) Jodie Foster, Anthony Hopkins, Ted Levine

The Book: The Silence of the Lambs (1988) Thomas Harris

How do they compare? Fairly well, from what I can recall. The two things that always stick out in my mind when watching the movie is that "book Hannibal" sports 6 fingers on his right hand, and red/maroon eyes. Jodie Foster blew it out of the water as Clarice Starling (I cared far less for the character once she was played by Julianne Moore, even though I love Julianne Moore most of the time) Anthony Hopkins, of course, is divine. (I do intend to check out Manhunter, as I have read that Brian Cox's take of Lecter/Lecktor is phenomenal)

Movie or Book? Probably movie. I still throw this one on every now and again, while I have not revisited the book in a few years.

Bonus. The Movie: Psycho Beach Party (2000) Charles Busch, Lauren Ambrose, Amy Adams, Nicholas Brendon, Thomas Gibson

The Book: The Tale of the Allergist's Wife and Other Plays (1988)

How do they compare? Not bad, although I should point out that Psycho Beach Party is based on a play, rather than a book. Charles Busch both wrote and starred as "Chicklet" on stage, but for the movie they brought in Lauren Ambrose (whom I adore) and Charles Busch (whom I also adore) took the role of  Police Captain Monica Stark. There are minor changes in dialogue, and the attraction between Yo Yo and Provoloney is more evident in the movie, but the base story is one and the same.

Movie or Book? Movie. I love the bloody Hell out of this movie. Charles Busch is perfection, and Lauren Ambrose shows off a rather incredible acting range in a few scenes. Plus, you have an awesome dance off, featuring the sounds of Los Straightjackets. Go on, check it out!


Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Three Things I Loved About Girl House (2014)

   It was a friend of Alaska's who recently recommended this movie, and he had me at, "kinda cheesy, digital, slasher."

   I will not be linking the trailer, as it partially spoils one of my "Loves." For that same reason, I used this movie poster off of IMDB, rather than the other available poster, as it also shows a blog spoiler in the background. (Also, FYI, the trailer reveals who the killer is immediately, although this does nothing to detract from the movie.)

   One more note before we get started, all of the chat logs via computer are in German,with no subs, (don't be fooled by the English subs in the trailer, if you watch it) even though this movie is entirely in English and seems filmed in the US (no accents) It's kinda easy enough to figure out what the users are saying, but Alaska and I watched the movie with Babelfish open, because we're like that. I honestly don't understand the point of the German chats with no subs, and the camera focuses on the chat screen too often to just ignore it(at least in the beginning) but there it is. It's annoying, but not a deal-breaker. Ok, let's get to it!


   With the recent death of her father, college student Kylie finds her funds cut drastically and is in desperate need of money, or no more school. Enter the producer of Girl House, a place where Kylie will be streamed online, 24/7. The more hits she gets, the more money she makes. Unfortunately, Kylie catches the unstable eye of a deranged fan, "Loverboy." A whack-job with Alec Hardison's level of hacking abilities, although without Hardison's charm or looks. (We do get to see a young "Loverboy" in the beginning, which gives us an idea of why he is like he is. Also, hey, that's young "Selena Kyle," from Gotham!) On to our list (finally)

  1.  This is a house filled with hot chicks, but get this.....they all get along! Aside from a couple of side-eyed looks of jealousy from house-favourite Devon, all of these women are nice and supportive of each other. There are no screaming matches, no cat fights, no sneaky sabotage. These are just a bunch of nice girls doing a job. It was just so fucking refreshing to see these women get along! More movie directors should take note, you don't need constant bitch-fights for a movie to entertain!

A little taste of the ladies.

  2.  "Loverboy's" mask is creepy as fuck. I'd love to post a picture, but I fear that would ruin the creep-factor of seeing that mask come running full force at the camera the first time. Trust me, bypass the trailer and just watch the movie.

 3.  The dildo scene. That's all I'm gonna say, but you'll definitely know it when you see it.

Bonus-  I straight up appreciate women who don't completely break under the pressure, and several of these girls are good-to-go with logic and a will to survive. Ain't even gonna lie, I rooted for them all to survive.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Three Things I Liked About Killer Party (1986)

  While I am certain that I have watched this movie before, I remembered very little and decided to revisit this little flick a couple of weeks ago. Despite my dislike of what I found to be a boring ass "leading lady" (I'm looking at you, Jennifer) I enjoyed the hair and fashion immensely, and this movie has, arguably, one of the most laughably ridiculous cases of "possession" I have ever seen (If I could have found a clip, it would have made it into the countdown, but, alas-) There will be a minor death spoiler as the Bonus, but it will be marked, per usual.

 1. The horror movie/music video opening is spectacular. It's like 80s overload. I couldn't find a clip of the entire beginning, but here, at least, is the music portion: White Sister's "You're No Fool."

  2. Vivia (Sherry Willis-Burch)

   Smart, sexy, special effects wizard (and let's not forget horny) Vivia. Even with her giant glasses she was a prime specimen, so much more fun and interesting than the dishwater dull Jennifer. Alas, Vivia could only seem to catch the eye of  skeevy, chickenshit, Jennifer-obsessed, Martin, as this was still in the days of the old saying, "Guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses." But look how cute she is!

   There are no screaming hysterics for my girl Vivia when the real bodies start popping up, either! She keeps her cool, finds her friends, cheats death a few times, and even manages to kick a little ass. She doesn't exactly save the fucking day, but she hangs in there to the end. Plus, she makes a mean fake severed head.

  And delights in freaking Martin out with it.

  My girl, Vivia. How I loved thee.

  3. The killer wears an antique diving suit. Could a more cumbersome disguise have been chosen? Do you know how heavy those things are? How could he possibly sneak up on anybody?

   How scary is a killer whom you can dodge simply by ducking and taking a step to either side and into his blind spot? I mean, really?

And now:

Bonus- Chunky Bee Boy gets a poker up the poop chute and out of the top of his head.

Drunk, playing cards with Skinny Bee Boy, happy.

But what's this pushing it's way up through the grate?

This speaks of unpleasantness.

And voila! He's a shish kabob!


Sunday, September 14, 2014

Three Of My Favourite Nicolas Cage "Face Swaps" (Part 2)

Part 1

I have no words...


This one I find freakily plausible.


And then, people, I FOUND THIS FANTASTIC BLOG! Go forth, and enjoy the Cage Swaps.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Three Thoughts On Big Bad Wolf

   Hey, kids, wanna watch a movie with a snarky, talking, rapey werewolf? How about a moron who doesn't know when to get the hell out of dodge, a quartet of highly unlikable college students, or a news crew that spends most of their time running away from angry people? If any of this sounds appealing, then Big Bad Wolf may be for you!

   This is not a good movie, but is was an entertaining one. A group of drunk, horny kids, cabin in the woods, werewolf, survivors kicking ass- that old chestnut. I will not reveal who the werewolf is (though IMDB just blows it right out of the water) although I do have to admit it's pretty obvious from the start who it is. There will be gore spoilers at number 3, but I will be giving another spoiler head's up right before we get there. So, let's give this a go:

1.  Hey, it's Marnie from Halloweentown! (real name: Kimberly J. Brown)

Halloweentown Marnie

Big Bad Wolf Marnie (her name is really Sam, in this)

  I am quite familiar with the Halloweentown movies, having a baby sister 12 years my junior who loved the Halloweentown adventures (and they were pretty good, I have to admit) Unfortunately, Kimberly Brown is always going to be "Marnie from Halloweentown" to me, despite the fact that she was also Annie Wheaton in Stephen King's Rose Red (I always felt that Rose Red was an underrated tv mini-series, anyone else have any thoughts on that?) Anyway, Marnie has grown up into Sam, sporting a nose ring, riding a motorcycle, and making her living as a mechanic (with nary a parent to be seen) She's the BFF of our resident "Hero-Nerd," and she's pretty kick ass- and can use a bow, to boot.

2.  The wolf make-up was ok in parts, absolute shit in other parts, and the full transformation scene was a CGI nightmare. However, there were 2 or 3 shots where our wolfman was fighting off the transformation, and the small twists and changes on his face were quite well done (not sure if they were CGI, Practical Effects, or a combo, but it looked good)  (As an aside, the movie used both practical and CGI, which leads us to number 3. Also:


3.  Some of the Practical Effects were pretty good, so I shall list off a couple of my favourites:

   -Tug-of-War scene between some kids and the werewolf, and this happens to their buddy (who had some weird sexual fetishes, I thoroughly enjoyed his dialogue with his girlfriend out in the woods)

   -Violent removal of male genitalia, complete with snarky comment from our werewolf:

   -Werewolf peels off the top of a man's head like you pop the top off a beer.

 There are some other good moments, but I will leave them for your own discovery. 

  Bonus- In one of the funniest scenes of the entire movie, the wolf (now back in man form and covered in blood) burps up a finger. He looks at it blankly for a moment, then casually pops it back into his mouth and eats it. I actually laughed out loud. (And I wish fervently that I could find a clip of that scene on youtube, but no such luck)


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Three Of My Favourite Nicolas Cage "Face Swaps" (Part 1)

I love this so much, I can't even explain.

Mr. Coppola as a Scream Queen.

I would hang this poster up so fast.

I wish I could be, part of his wooooorld.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Three Things I Enjoy About Tales From The Darkside: Strange Love

  Strange Love is the tale of 2 vampire lovers in the mid-1930s:

Marie, played by Marcia Cross


Edmund, played by Harsh Nayyar
(who, incidentally, smokes like Keyser Soze)

When Marie "stumbles in the moonlight" and injures her knee, our good doctor makes a house call, and is soon imprisoned to care for her (vampires can't exactly cart off to the hospital, now can they?)

Dr. Phillip Carrol, played by Patrick Kilpatrick

  This is by no means a great episode, but I have always been vastly entertained by Marcia Cross's blinding white skin, and Kilpatrick's mouth-breathing, wooden performance. Not to mention some of Edmund's laughable vampire "powers." If I need to say SPOILERS for an episode that is over 25 years old, then so be it. And for your viewing pleasure, I am linking the entire 20 minute episode at the end of this post. (Seriously, it's hysterical, give it a shot)

  1. Marie's "bat wing" dress. 

  Man, I love this thing. It's just so ostentatious.

  And she rocks it like a champ.

  If I ever find a dress like this, I will buy a red wig and go as "Marie" for Halloween one year.

  2. Edmund and Phillip play "Mercy" as a show of dominance. Remember what "Mercy" is?

I advise turning down the sound to avoid the ear-piercing, girlish screams.

  The scene is absolutely ridiculous, as Marie and Edmund both make it a point to bring up their "superhuman" strength. And then Phillip and Edmund play Mercy, trying to out do each other. So, yeah.

First they hold hands...

Then Edmund gets all fangy...

Then Phillip gets fangy...
(I feel I should mention the overabundance of hissing during this scene)

Marie doesn't seem too impressed, does she?

And then Philip gets the upper hand, which brings us to...

  3. The laughably bad "staking" scene, where you can clearly see the padding beneath Edmund's shirt. (And a distinct lack of blood to start with)

  Bonus: They sleep in a double coffin bed!

I have dreams of spending one night in a double coffin bed.

As promised: Strange Love