Three Things I Love About Con Air

 1. Steve Buscemi as Garland Greene. From his dramatic entrance, to his few spoken words, to him belting out "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" while crash landing on the Vegas Strip, I loved "The Marietta Mangler." The skinny little killer that all the other cons were afraid of.

   He even takes time out to have a little tea party:

   

   One thing that consistently bothers me about reviews of this movie is that most of them refer to Garland Greene as a pedophile/murderer, and that is not the case. Murderer? Yes. Pedophile? I don't think so. He is never described as such, and considering the little tea party girl is both waving enthusiastically and even gave him her Ken doll to boot, it's safe to say he had his tea like a gentleman before going on his merry way.

Love the mask

 2. Poe's horrendous Southern accent, and greasy/crunchy mullet. As a born and bred Southerner, I have heard all manner of accents, from barely there, to a drawling lilt, to "Holy shit, was that even English?" I'm not sure how to classify the accent that Nic Cage apparently went to Alabama to learn.  I do wonder if Alabamans are embarrassed by this. Anyone?

   And the mullet. Look at it:

   Now, look at it in motion:

Action Mullet!

   I have an odd love affair with the mullet, and I get a strange little niggle of happiness whenever I see one, be it in a movie or on the street. Poe's receding hairline mullet is one of my favourites, in all of its disgustingly greasy, yet flyaway, glory. 

 3. That damn bunny. 

 Bonus: John Malkovich as Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom. Again, I site my penchant for psychos.

Yeah.

   

Three Thoughts On Hansel and Gretel Get Baked

An interesting take on the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale, with pot smoking, and some hinted at Nazism thrown in for whatever reason. Also, a distinct lacking of adults/parents, meter readers who act more like policemen than the policemen do, and how not to sing a dog to sleep.

1. What in the hell is going on with Lara Flynn Boyle's face? I'm guessing some Botox and collagen. Whatever it is, her face was very shiny and puffy, yet strangely droopy around her duck-lips.

Do you see what I see?

I thought all the puffiness was prosthetics, till the old lady makeup came off.

2. Girl Power! While this movie may be called "Hansel and Gretel...", it didn't really feature Hansel as any great protagonist. This movie was more about the girls. First, it's Gretel's search for her boyfriend(whom no one believes is missing)Then, it's Gretel and Bianca's search for their respective boyfriends(whom no one believes are missing) I really enjoyed the character of Bianca(despite an inability to remember her name, my brain insists on calling her "Rosa") With her switchblade, her cool head under pressure(for the most part) and willingness to go to any lengths to find her "papi,"(this includes sucking face with the puffy/droopy Lara Flynn) she was right on top. Yancy Butler makes an appearance as Officer Hart(another woman who knows some things aren't right, but who is thwarted by her douchebag of a partner(a man, in case that needs specifying) And even Droopy Face Boyle was good to go, taking on 3 hardcore drug dealers with nary a blink of an eye. I like strong women who don't wait around for a man to "save" them. These ladies are the ones doing the saving(and the murdering, in Droopy's case)

Gretel and the awesome Bianca

Yancy

Droopy turns this guy into a shish kabob 

3. A teenage girl makes a "Little Old Lady From Pasadena" reference(although she credits it to the Beach Boys and not Jan and Dean, who wrote(Jan did, anyway) and recorded the song originally)

Three Books I've Read To The Point Of Memorization*

1. It- Stephen King

First read- age 11

My father gave me this book to read when I was eleven, because my parents were always cool with my love of horror. It was my first Stephen King experience, and I read my first copy of the book until the pages were, literally, falling out. Perhaps it was because the kids were around my age at the time, perhaps it was simply the story, but I loved this book to the point of obsession, and would reread it at least once a month.


2. The Lords of Discipline- Pat Conroy

First read- age 17

Pat Conroy is a local author. Was, in fact, my parents' high school English teacher for a while. I grew up with his books around the house, but never really picked one up myself. Until this book. Again, maybe because the protagonists were around my age, or maybe it was the story, but I got obsessed with this book, too. A book about the Citadel. But even now reading this makes me laugh, and cry, and feel angry, and hurt, and involved. You become involved with the characters in this story.


3. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas- Hunter S. Thompson

First read- age 20

This book came as a recommendation from my friend, Lee. He and I were jolly good pot-smoking buddies at the time, and it was during one of our pot-soaked rap sessions that the topic of this book came about. I got myself a copy, and read it, and obsession born! This was and still is one of the funniest books I have ever read.


Bonus- Harriet the Spy- Louise Fitzhugh

First read- age 7(ish)

I'm not entirely sure where I first heard about this book, or exactly how old I was when I read it. Before my love of horror bloomed out of control, I was also into detectives and spies, etc. And Harriet was awesome, Harriet was who I wanted to be when I was 11. Thanks to her, I started carrying my notebook with me everywhere. Not to spy on people, but to write down all the thoughts in my head. Which, a lot of the time, I turned into stories. I still have a notebook obsession to this day, as well as my love of this book.


*I do not mean that I can recite the entire book from memory, only that I have read the particular book in question enough to have whole chunks of it permanently etched into my brain. I didn't choose the book life, the book life chose me.

Three Of My Favourite Things About Oz

(1997-2003)

Alaska* and I recently plowed through all 6 seasons of the prison show, Oz. While I love the show in its entirety, here are 3 things in particular that enhanced my enjoyment.

1. Adebisi's little hats.

   I just have so many questions: How does he keep it on his head, even during a fight? Does he ever keep snacks or "tits"(drugs) up in there?(We do see him stash a note from Shirley Bellinger on Death Row under there at one point in season 2) Where did these wonderful miniature hats come from?(I like to imagine Adebisi knits them himself, with toothpicks stolen from the cafeteria)

2. Charles Busch as Nat/Natalie.

   I adore Charles Busch, and was beyond thrilled when he just popped up in an episode in Season 3. Playing the HIV positive Nat, he kills Mob Boss Nappa, which then gets him sent to Death Row( he passes in Season 4 from the disease, not execution) Despite being in prison, Nat got to doll himself up a couple times, in full drag with his signature flaming red hair.

3. "Crazy" Beecher.

Sane Tobias Beecher.

Crazy Beecher(as evidenced by the facial hair)

   Poor Tobias Beecher. A well-off lawyer from a good family, with a wife and kids of his own, who just happens to have a drinking problem. When he runs over and kills a kid in a DUI offense, he's made an example of and sent off to Oz. 

      How to make a Crazy Beecher

      

      1. Take one sane, well-mannered attorney and throw him into a maximum security prison.

      2. Cell him first with Adebisi, and then the leader of the Aryans, Vern Schillinger. 

      3. Brand with a Swastika, beat, rape, sexually humiliate, and then discard Beecher into the

          recesses of Oz with no protection(and wearing a Confederate Flag t-shirt)         

      4. Load him up with "tits."(which is still drugs)

Beecher being branded by Schillinger

Beecher made to drag it up at talent show

      

      Consequences of creating a Crazy Beecher

      ~Partial blindness(as done to Schillinger)

      ~Beaten down and then shit on while other prisoners cheer(including shit in the mouth-also   

      done to Schillinger)

Beecher's ass, poised for action

      ~"No means no." Bites off the tip of a penis that is shoved into his piehole(as done to Robson, 

      one of the Aryan Brotherhood)

Robson looks like a dickhead, anyway

Beecher bites it off, then spits it out

      ~Kills the guard(Metzger) that allowed him to be severely beaten by the Aryans(both arms & 

      legs were broken. Metzger's death is actually a thing of beauty-Beecher allows his nails to 

      grow while in the hospital ward, and, basically, it's kill or be killed when he's released back

      into Emerald City. Metzger mistakenly thinks that he will handle the situation, and gets

      Beecher alone, only to find himself suddenly slashed to pieces and bleeding out. After this, 

      Beecher calmly goes back to his pod and clips his nails, thus destroying the "weapons," and 

      the evidence)

      

Before Crazy Beecher

After Crazy Beecher

      There is, of course, many other Crazy Beecher moments, but too many to list and too many  

      to find pictures of. It's worth noting that when Schillinger tries to get someone to off Beecher in 

      Season 2, no one will touch him.)

Bonus- Jericho

      I have never been more creeped out by a puppet than Cyril O'Reily's friend, Jericho. The one

      scene that, literally, sent chills down my spine was when Cyril was on Death Row. Father  

      Ray is walking down the darkened hall of Death Row, and he glances to the right to see 

      Jericho framed in a shaft of light. And then the voice- "Good evening, Father." Nothing 

      at all like Cyril's little boy lisp(he has brain damage from an accident, and is mentally between 

      10 and 12, I believe) Jericho starts out as a friendly little outlet for Cyril, and then turns into 

      Cyril's "bad side," for lack of another way to put it. This was never more evident than when

      Cyril/Jericho calls Sister Pete a cunt.

*my husband

      

Three Hot Chicks In Horror(Whose Posters Hang In My Office)

1. Ginger- Ginger Snaps(2000) Katharine Isabelle

   Up until a few years ago, I wasn't all that into werewolves. An occasional appearance by one here and there was fine, but I never actively sought them out. One night on the Sci-Fi Channel(when such a thing still existed, natch) I happened upon the movie Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning(2004) And I watched it, with commercials and pretty chopped to hell(because, Hey! It's a hot redhead and "Beverly Marsh" from the IT tv miniseries!) After the movie was over, I logged in to Amazon and purchased all three movies. I watched them, and I loved them, so I bought the movie poster.


2. Laurie- Trick 'r Treat(2007) Anna Paquin

   I first saw Laurie when I came across Trick 'r Treat on Netflix, and it was love at first viewing(I love anthologies, and also, hot chicks who are in no way damsels-in-distress) Sweet, innocent-looking Laurie in her adorable Red Riding Hood costume. And then, a little later, we have not-so-sweet, sexy Laurie all disheveled and blood-stained. I bought the awesome poster you see above this year(the artist is Chris Lovell, you can find his work on Deviantart and on Facebook) at the same time as the one below, Julie.


3. Julie- Return of the Living Dead III(1993) Melinda(going by "Mindy") Clarke

   I first owned a VHS copy of this movie(which I still have) Not only did we have zombies, but Julie was smokin' in her fishnets and little jean cut-offs. And then she got bit, and then came the piercings. Am I the only one who found her even more attractive after she shoved all of that metal and glass through her body? Anyone? No? Moving on. Anyway, the movie poster is several years old, the art poster was purchased this year at the same time as poster number 2, Laurie.

Three Recent Reads

1. Phantom- Susan Kay

A book of the life and death of Erik, the deformed man who becomes The Phantom of the Opera. We start with Erik's birth, told through the eyes of his mother, who shuns him. Move on through the teen years, told through both Erik's voice and the voices of the people he encounters. Through his adulthood, his ill-fated love of the beautiful Christine(we get her side through journal entries) and ending, not in his death, but with the idea that a part of Erik lives on.

Great book, 4 1/2 out of 5 stars, a definite recommend.


2. Sisters in Crime 2- Marilyn Wallace(editor)

This is an anthology of mystery stories, all featuring a woman as the protagonist, all written by women. I picked this book up off of the free shelf at the library a couple of years ago, and it has been sitting in my "to read" pile ever since. I opened it a couple of nights ago, and plowed through it in three days. Some stories were better than others, of course, but really the only one that sticks out at me is the first story in the novel, "Death Scene; or, The Moor of Venice," by P.M. Carlson. Our leading lady is a fantastic heroine who goes by the name "Maggie Ryan." Suffice to say, Maggie solves the mystery of some burglaries that happen to coincide with where her theatre troupe is stopped. How she deals with discovering who the robber is, and saving her own life, was a thing of beauty. I actually laughed out loud at the ending, when Maggie does something decisively "unladylike" to conceal her part in what is, technically, a crime. Either way, I liked her enough to go look for other stories, and happily found a series of Maggie Ryan books that I plan to give a go in the near future.

Decent book, 3 1/2 stars out of 5, a recommend if you like mysteries that are centered around female voices.


3. Village of the Mermaids- Carlton Mellick III

Another Bizarro story by CMIII, here. I first encountered him when I picked up his book Apeshit, which was a horribly entertaining read. Environmentally protected mermaids(who feed off humans), a dying doctor whose skin is turning to clay from a weird disease, evolution, toss in a bit of strange sex and we have  111 pages of neato.

Neato-Bizarro book, 4 out of 5 stars, a definite recommend if you like reading weird shit, or if you're interested in another take on mermaids(and you like reading weird shit)


Bonus: Odd Apocalypse- Dean Koontz

Book 5 in the series that features the fantastic character, Odd Thomas. I read this book recently, though it was one I had picked up when it first came out and just hadn't gotten around to(I have Book 6, Deeply Odd, sitting by my bed to read right now) This story circles around the goings on at the Roseland estate, the owner, Noah Wolflaw, having invited Odd and the pregnant "Lady of the Bell" Annamaria to stay there. Time travel, packs of murdering pig-people, Nikola Tesla, and a frantic ghost on a horse. Odd also picks up his new ghost "friend," and I will admit I was tickled by who it was.

Fantastic book, 5 out of 5 stars, a definite recommend, as everyone should give Odd Thomas a try.

Three Things I Liked About Sushi Girl

Starring: Tony Todd, Noah Hathaway, James Duval, Andy Mackenzie, Mark Hamill, Cortney Palm


1. Mark Hamill is brilliant. The animated Joker(and Luke Skywalker) himself, as the hair twirling, gum smacking, effeminate psychopath, Crow.

   I could not take my eyes off of Hamill throughout this movie. His performance was a thing of beauty, and if you need one reason to watch this movie, he's it.


2. This movie was very Tarantino-esque. A botched diamond heist. A rat wearing a wire in the criminals' circle. Revenge. Japanese atmosphere. Torture. A Mexican stand-off. A couple of times(in particular after a monologue by Tony Todd) I turned to my husband and said, "That was very Tarantino." Then there's Sonny Chiba, Danny Trejo, Jeff Fahey and Michael Biehn as co-stars.


3. The torture. It takes something creative to really get my attention, and the torture scenes in this movie managed to do that. There was the wine bottle in the sock(as it was Max's sock, I couldn't help but think the smell of the sock was probably bad enough, much less having it filled with a broken bottle and then smashed across your face) The damage it did was wonderful:

Then there was the chopstick hammered into the top of Fish's knee(one of Crow's contributions)

Crow then uses the end of the chopstick like a pain joystick, and twists the stick around in Fish's leg. Not especially bloody, but definitely up there in creativity. I would imagine the pain was rather exquisite, too.

Bonus: I enjoyed Sushi Girl's role in the movie, as well. Despite the name, I got so involved with the boys that I never even considered that the girl might have her own motives for being there. Everything is wrapped up in the end, nice and neat.