Three Things I Love About Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning

"True" fans of the Man in the Mask(and his mommy) don't consider this to be a "real" Friday...movie. I could care less. Here are three things that I love about Friday V:

1. Ethel (Carol Locatell)

   My God, how can you not love this filthy, foul-mouthed, white trash woman? She calls her son a "dildo," spits in food, and will "blow your fuckin' brains out" if she catches you on her property. I would do almost anything to have Ethel screeching, "That's it, my final warning!" for a ringtone.

                                                    This is the face of a woman on the edge.

                                         "I'm gonna chop you into itty bitty pieces, my friend."

                                            "That's it, my final warning!"

2. The Kills.

-Vinnie(Anthony Barille) takes a flare down the gullet.

                                                            "What are you doing, douchebag?"

                                            Why, I'm cramming this stick of fire into your pie-hole, friend!

-Billy(Bob DeSimone) horts one last line of blow, then gets his bald spot parted with an ax.

                                            Cocaine!

                                            And now, a splitting headache.

-Tina(Debi Sue Voorhees-love the last name) smokes a doobie and does the nasty with Eddie(on Ethel's property, I might add) For her sins, hedge clippers to the eye sockets!

                                                 She also shows off a nice pair of natural breasts.

                                            Sex and nice boobies = Death

-Eddie(John Robert Dixon) also smokes a doobie and does the nasty, then leaves his lady love to go "wash up." He comes back to horror, then death by leather strap.

                                             The face of a man who just found his girlfriend with no eyes.

                                            Ouch. Not entirely sure how possible this would be.
                                            Could you really kill someone this way? Wouldn't the
                                            strap snap before you died? Can someone riddle me this?

-Demon(Miguel A. Nunez, Jr.) This is probably my favourite death, the death of Demon and his gorgeous jheri curl-mullet.

                                                    Look at that silky smoothness. Bask in its greatness.

My man Demon is just trying to drop some kids off at the pool after a bad enchilada, singing a little ditty with his lady love, and he ends up run through with a steel rod. This after being jabbed at through the tin walls of the "shitbox," rather like a kid poking at an insect with a needle. (Also, Demon never got a chance to wipe before shit went down, pardon the pun, and he had on leather pants. His death might have been for the best.)

                                             Listen. Do you smell something?

                                            It's also worth noting that Demon screams and blubbers
                                            like a little girl.

                                            Run through!

3. Violet's(Tiffany Helms) "robot" dance/"His Eyes" by Pseudo Echo

   Great song, love the dance, love Violet. I also heard/read that Violet was originally supposed to be stabbed in the cooter.

                                         Watch it. Love it.

Honorable Mention- Sheriff Tucker(Marco St. John)

   For shit's sake, an actual Sheriff who knows who the killer is(kinda) but can't get anyone to believe him. How often do you see something like that? A smart Sheriff in a horror movie! Plus, I love the scene with him and Ethel.

                                                 "What the hell is going on here?" Also, you may
                                                   notice who is standing behind him.

Three Most Recent Songs I Downloaded To My Phone

1.  After Dark- Tito and Tarantula
   

2. Season of the Witch- Donovan

   


3. Moon Trance- Lindsey Stirling

   

Three Things I Loved About Lady Snowblood(1973)

1. The Blood. Glorious fountains of bright red blood. Cut off an arm or other appendage? Jettison of blood. Poke somebody with the tip of a sword? Jettison of blood. It was truly a thing of beauty.

2. The groans, grunts, moans and screams that were, obviously, dubbed over for sound purposes. I watched a copy with subtitles, and indeed, I have no idea if they have ever dubbed this movie in the English language. I don't care either way. I simply love how the sound doesn't always quite match up to the lips. And, as mentioned, the melodramatic sounds of pain/pleasure/exasperation.

3. I'm a huge fan of Quentin Tarantino. You can tell that QT really liked, and borrowed, heavily from this movie in the making of Kill Bill. The camera angles, the fight scenes, the aforementioned geysers of blood, and one blatantly obvious song(which I now know the words to, having watched Lady Snowblood-and what a glorious song it is) The song is, I believe, called "The Flower of Carnage" by Meiko Kaji.

Three Things I Have An Irrational Fear Of

1. Birds. I hate all birds. All they do is fly and shit and spread diseases. Getting caught beneath a flock of low flying birds is very near my idea of Hell. I have no idea where this fear came from, all I know is that if a bird heads in my direction, I will react the way most women in horror movies react: with screaming, flailing of limbs, and plain old-fashioned terror.

                                            This is my idea of Hell on Earth

                                                                             The face of terror


2. Clowns. This in no way makes me unique, many people are afraid of clowns. Any glimpse of a clown (statue, painting, dressed up man) sends an involuntary shudder up my spine. Because of this, I rather enjoy horror movies with clowns in them.

                                                                  Yep, terrifying

                                                                  One more, just because Tim Curry is a god


3. Large Worms. Again, no idea where this fear comes from. But I do recall, in vivid detail, dissecting large earthworms in Earth Science class in 7th grade. We studied live worms as well, and my foot long earthworm kept rearing up like a snake, trying to escape the pan it was in. No fear of snakes, but a big old fear of long, squirmy slimy worms.

                                              Kill It With Fire

                                                                                    *shudder*


 Bonus:  Baby Monkeys/Gorillas. They look, and act, too much like human babies. It creeps me the fuck out.

                                                               See? Looks almost like a portrait print from K-Mart. *Bwuah*

Three(Current) Favourite Quentin Tarantino Characters

1. Character-  GoGo Yubari
    Actor-  Chiaki Kuriyama
    Movie-  Kill Bill V. 1 (2003)
How could you not love this adorable young sociopath in a school girl's uniform?

2. Character-  Jules Winnfield
    Actor-  Samuel L. Jackson
    Movie-  Pulp Fiction (1994)
The Bible verse spouting hitman who recognizes a miracle when it happens, and leaves it all behind to "walk the earth. You know, like Caine in Kung Fu."

3. Character-  Stuntman Mike McKay
    Actor- Kurt Russell
    Movie- Death Proof (2007)
His 70's throwback style, the sense of humour, and a beautifully feathered mullet. With as badass as he seems, his transformation from psycho to pussy after being shot in the arm is brilliant.

*Bonus- Character-  The Bride/Black Mamba/Beatrix Kiddo
               Actor-  Uma Thurman
               Movie-  Kill Bill V. 1 (2003)& V. 2 (2004)
A revenge-seeking, sword-wielding assassin plowing a bloody path to the door of the man who made her what she is. (Serious props to stuntwoman Zoe Bell go along with this selection)

Three Reasons I Have Not Updated In Two Months

1. I got married in October, and so there was an influx of stress and planning that took precedence over this blog.

2. I had surgery. Which also added a great deal of stress into my life, as my husband and I were also moving into a new house at the same time. I was pretty useless during the move.

3. Laziness. Who are we kidding, here? I could have made time for this, and simply did not. But I do intend to try and do better. This post is mostly to, hopefully, "shame" me into posting more frequently. We shall see if it works.

Three Tales From the Crypt Episodes That Are Always Floating In The Back Of My Brain

1. Death of Some Salesmen- S.5 Ep. 1. starring Ed Begley, Jr, Tim Curry (x 3!)
  A down and dirty salesman(Begley, Jr.) peddles his wares at the wrong house. Who lives here? Why, Pa, Ma and Winona Brackett, of course, a delightfully insane family, all played by the wonderfully delightful Tim Curry. Begley learns a few lessons, and also a new meaning for "down and dirty."

2. Forever Ambergris- S.5 Ep. 3. starring Steve Buscemi, Roger Daltry, Lysette Anthony
  Daltry is a burnt out combat photographer who falls deep into lust with the luscious wife(Lysette) of the new kid in photography(Buscemi) When he sees his chance for a comeback, and a way to win the lovely Lysette, Daltry takes it, with some gory results. But don't worry, revenge is sweet. And nearly as gory.

3. Carrion Death- S.3 Ep. 2. starring Kyle MacLachlan
  Bad boy Earl(MacLachlan) is arrested for bank robbery and murder, and is then transported across the desert, handcuffed to a policeman, to be tried for his crimes. All hell breaks loose when Earl kills the cop, only to lose the handcuff keys down the cop's gullet. Now Earl and his "dead weight" are off on a different kind of trek across the desert, but the dead cop isn't Earl's only company on this particular trip.

*Bonus: On a Deadman's Chest- S.4 Ep. 3. starring Heavy D, Tia Carrere, and some other dudes.
  Lead Singer of a popular hard rock group is at odds with the new wife(Carrere) of the Guitar Player. He views her as Yoko Ono, she views him as an egomaniacal brat. When a Groupie hooks up our Lead Singer with a mysterious, one-eyed tattoo artist(D) things really come to a head. Murder, betrayal, and magic tattoos. And Tia Carrere's cleavage!(There is also a very obvious penis in this episode, which I rediscovered after renting this disk from Netflix)