Thursday, January 31, 2013

Three Things I Love About Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning

"True" fans of the Man in the Mask(and his mommy) don't consider this to be a "real" I could care less. Here are three things that I love about Friday V:

1. Ethel (Carol Locatell)

   My God, how can you not love this filthy, foul-mouthed, white trash woman? She calls her son a "dildo," spits in food, and will "blow your fuckin' brains out" if she catches you on her property. I would do almost anything to have Ethel screeching, "That's it, my final warning!" for a ringtone.

                                                    This is the face of a woman on the edge.

                                         "I'm gonna chop you into itty bitty pieces, my friend."

                                            "That's it, my final warning!"

2. The Kills.

-Vinnie(Anthony Barille) takes a flare down the gullet.

                                                            "What are you doing, douchebag?"

                                            Why, I'm cramming this stick of fire into your pie-hole, friend!

-Billy(Bob DeSimone) horts one last line of blow, then gets his bald spot parted with an ax.


                                            And now, a splitting headache.

-Tina(Debi Sue Voorhees-love the last name) smokes a doobie and does the nasty with Eddie(on Ethel's property, I might add) For her sins, hedge clippers to the eye sockets!

                                                 She also shows off a nice pair of natural breasts.

                                            Sex and nice boobies = Death

-Eddie(John Robert Dixon) also smokes a doobie and does the nasty, then leaves his lady love to go "wash up." He comes back to horror, then death by leather strap.

                                             The face of a man who just found his girlfriend with no eyes.

                                            Ouch. Not entirely sure how possible this would be.
                                            Could you really kill someone this way? Wouldn't the
                                            strap snap before you died? Can someone riddle me this?

-Demon(Miguel A. Nunez, Jr.) This is probably my favourite death, the death of Demon and his gorgeous jheri curl-mullet.

                                                    Look at that silky smoothness. Bask in its greatness.

My man Demon is just trying to drop some kids off at the pool after a bad enchilada, singing a little ditty with his lady love, and he ends up run through with a steel rod. This after being jabbed at through the tin walls of the "shitbox," rather like a kid poking at an insect with a needle. (Also, Demon never got a chance to wipe before shit went down, pardon the pun, and he had on leather pants. His death might have been for the best.)

                                             Listen. Do you smell something?

                                            It's also worth noting that Demon screams and blubbers
                                            like a little girl.

                                            Run through!

3. Violet's(Tiffany Helms) "robot" dance/"His Eyes" by Pseudo Echo

   Great song, love the dance, love Violet. I also heard/read that Violet was originally supposed to be stabbed in the cooter.

                                         Watch it. Love it.

Honorable Mention- Sheriff Tucker(Marco St. John)

   For shit's sake, an actual Sheriff who knows who the killer is(kinda) but can't get anyone to believe him. How often do you see something like that? A smart Sheriff in a horror movie! Plus, I love the scene with him and Ethel.

                                                 "What the hell is going on here?" Also, you may
                                                   notice who is standing behind him.


  1. Love those breasts. Course as a kid I would rent it just for those.

  2. Can't tell you if the leather strap is possible, but it was a story line in western old radio show etc, where new leather straps were soaked then lashed tightly around a guy then he left out in the sun and as the straps dried they'd smother/strangle/crush the guy to death.