Monday, September 23, 2013

Three Things I Love About The Monster Squad: Then And Now

  I love this movie with every fiber of my being, and I have since my first viewing at least 25 years ago. Even today I can throw it on and just enjoy the ride. Since I enjoyed doing my Then and Now: The Blob post so much, I figured I would do one for The Monster Squad, as well. (I keep reading about a Monster Squad remake, which I admit hurts my soul a little) Anyway, here are three things I loved about The Squad, then, and three things I (still) love about The Squad, today.

The Monsters

The Monster Squad


  1. Sean's "Stephen King Rules" t-shirt. From the moment that I first laid eyes on it, I coveted that shirt (being a King obsessed pre-teen myself)

  About 5 or 6 years ago I ran across this t-shirt for sale on a website, and I bought one immediately. I wear it all the time around the house:

I took this picture when I first got it...
not sure why I clipped my head off.

  2. Patrick (Robby Kiger) Man, did I have the hots for Patrick.

  I think that a big part of the reason that I crushed on Patrick, and not Sean, is because back then I wanted to be Sean: his awesome treehouse, a mom who bought him old journals from spooky houses (my mom was cool, but not that cool) and he could see (and hear, thanks to some set-up he had going on) the drive-in movies from the roof of his house (plus, he had that kick ass t-shirt!)

  3. The Treehouse. That glorious treehouse! My brother and I had a treehouse, but it was just a wooden platform with railings, and I would have done almost anything to have a club house like the Monster Squad had. (On a side note, I always felt like I would have been welcomed into the Monster Squad, despite my lack of penis. I was certain that they would have been impressed by all of my monster knowledge) 

  There was one thing I noticed upon a recent viewing, though it's a blink too long and you miss it moment. 

  I noticed the white and blue spherical object stuck in the cinder block. I rewound this scene and paused it a few times, but could not get a clearer picture. But I know what I'm looking at:

  Totally blurry, but no doubt in my mind that is an Oculus Orbus Madball! I know, because I own one (and did a post on it a while back)

  Bonus- "Wolfman's got nards!" How can you not love a line like that?


  1. I love, love, that when The Squad realizes that they need a virgin to recite the ritual, everyone simply ignores that any one of these boys (minus Rudy, probably) are virgins and would fit the bill nicely! It just cracks me up.

  2. Dracula's "bat penis." 

  Apparently, it does not matter how old I get, I still get a little giggle out of this scene.

  3. The Army, the freaking Army, shows up in response to Eugene's letter.

  This letter. The Army comes a'calling, locked and loaded, with tanks, because of this letter. Seriously, Army?

  Bonus:  This awesome montage. Still one of my favourites to this day.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Three Things I Liked About Sick Nurses

  This is another instant watch horror movie on Netflix, so I gave it a go. The plot was basically black market organ harvesting, a cheating fiance, murder, and then ghostly revenge. It wasn't a great movie, parts of the plot were confusing and I kept confusing some of the nurses, but it was definitely interesting, and the gore was over-the-top in places. So, there will be gore spoilers, as well as a mind-blowing spoiler moment in number 3. I can't say I would recommend this to many people, unless you happen to be a fan of weird Asian horror (which is a taste I myself have been cultivating for the last couple of years)

  1. Weird/funny death scenes, most of which made me laugh out loud. In one scene, the ghost possesses  a girl's hand, forcing her to grind a handful of razor blades into her mouth and lower face. This, somehow, completely removes the girl's lower jaw-

Like so...

 -at which time the ghost hurls a kitten (yes, you read that right, a kitten) at the jaw-less woman, where it hits her in the bloody hole where her mouth was, before sliding down the jaw-less woman's throat and choking her to death. 

One of many times I laughed myself into hiccups.

 Another scene that got me was a nurse stumbling through the hallways with a purse over her head-

I don't believe I have ever seen a woman trapped
in a purse before.

 When Nook (our "final girl") comes across Bag Head, she discovers that the bag has actually been sewn to the woman's neck. 

I guess if you're a ghost you have sweet sewing skills.

  Nook carefully snips the stitches, not only removing the bag from the girl's head, but, with the last stitch,  also relieving the girl's head from her shoulders. Nook shrieks in horror as the head goes bouncing down the hall. (another laugh out loud moment) There were some other great deaths ("Hair cocoon!") but these two were hysterically funny, and probably my favourites.

  2. Nook (Chidjan Rujiphun) who is pregnant, gets trapped in the stairwell by a horde of "zombie" nurses.

I say zombies, but they were just nurses with 
backwards-turned wigs over their faces.

 She panics, and screams, and then starts stabbing everything near her with her pregnancy test stick. Nook takes out a platoon of nurse-zombies with a pregnancy test stick! This was one of the most wonderful things I have seen in a movie, to date.


   The final moments of this movie simply blew my mind, as Nook falls screaming to the floor, and then gives birth to a fully grown adult. No shit. 

 This totally happens. 

  Who she gives birth to is very bizarre, as well, but I'll leave that for anyone who actually wants to watch this crazy-fest. If so, Happy Viewing!

Monday, September 2, 2013

Three Things I Like About The Blob: Then And Now

  I was 12 when this remake came out, and really hitting my horror stride. The Blob was one of my earliest movie obsessions, and I still own the bootleg VHS copy that I used to watch all those years ago. I have since upgraded to a DVD, and during a recent viewing it occurred to me that the things I loved back then about this movie are not necessarily the things that I appreciate today. So, today is a double list. Three things that I liked about The Blob as a kid, and three things I like about The Blob today. (Do I need to say "spoilers" for a movie that's 25 years old? Probably not, but it's there, anyway.)


 1. The "Can Man" (the bum in the woods, and also the first victim) creeped me out more than  Blob did.

 This dude.

 We lived on 10 acres of highly wooded land at the time, in an area that was set far back from the main road and was also not highly inhabited, so it was easier for me to imagine Can Man coming out of the woods to get me than it was for me to imagine Blob. And, where we were, it wasn't likely anyone would have heard me scream, if he had. I was an imaginative weirdo who loved nothing more than creeping myself out, so Can Man fit that bill nicely.

 2. Scott's trunk "bar" and subsequent "boob death." This one is a bit of a mystery for me, as I have no idea why I was so fascinated by sleazy Scott's bar in his trunk.

He even has a hoop, for when he's bored with date rape.

I was hit with nostalgia when I saw the Hawaiian Punch in a can.

 I do know why I enjoyed his death back then, however. I knew there was something wrong with feeling up a chick who's passed out in your car. Scott got what he deserved.

Date-Rape Scott.

His uninvited hand.

Is there some trouble?

It Came From Outer Boobs!

This mask was supposed to be Erica Eleniak.

Most definitely not the kind of "tongue" he was hoping for.

 I think I would have closed my mouth....

He got a mouthful, and thus ends the tale of Date-Rape Scott.

 3. The movie theater massacre! Meg's brother and his friend sneak off to see "Garden Tool Massacre" (a movie that I used to fervently wish was real) and, of course, Blob shows up. I don't go to movie theaters today (Alaska and I do patronize our local Drive-In) but even back then I found theaters to be rather unsettling. Something about sitting in the dark with a bunch of strangers just didn't mesh well with me. I can say that I would have liked to experience The Blob's movie theater scene in an actual movie theater. Hell, I'd probably enjoy that today.

And, Kevin sees Blob.

Kevin attempts to flee, but falls down like a girl being chased by Jason Voorhees.

Big sister Meg to the rescue.

Doesn't really look too scary....

....but if it touches you, it dissolves you.
(this is a great face trauma scene, I still enjoy it today)

I, literally, thought to look for a clip while typing this out,
and was most surprised to actually find one.


 1. Meg Penny (Shawnee Smith), our Final Girl. Meg starts off as a perky cheerleader looking forward to her date with the football hero (which, these days, would mean almost certain death for her) 

Look at her, she's adorable.

 But Meg is smart, and definitely smart enough to believe what she sees with her own eyes. She readily adapts to the crazy. Before long, our good girl cheerleader is sneaking out of her house to bail out resident bad boy, Brian Flagg, then, later on, sneaking away to rescue her little brother. She does battle with Blob like a champ. And while Flagg helps her out of a couple of jams, she definitely returns the favour, not hesitating to pick up a fire extinguisher or a machine gun (In a slight moment of realism, it takes our cheerleader a bit of fumbling to get the gun to work) It's Meg who risks her life to save Flagg, and it's Meg, ultimately, who defeats Blob.

Got my explosives....

Got my gun....

Time to kick some ass.

Frozen Blob, thanks to Meg blowing the snow-maker truck.

 2. Brian Flagg's (Kevin Dillon) sweet ass afro-mullet.

Man, it's gorgeous. 

I imagine that it smells of axle grease and lilacs.

It is worth noting that the length of this beautiful work of art
changes occasionally throughout the movie- sometimes very obviously.

 3. "Grenade Nips." Sweet peaches, I do not know how I ever missed the guy with the grenades hanging from each nipple for all of these years. And then he pulls the pins....(I have no shame in admitting that I re-watched this scene 4 or 5 times, giggling like a 10 year old boy who's just found his first Playboy)

I guess you have to "tweak" grenades to make them work.

He hit the right spot, and is quite happy about it.

No one comes between him and his nipple grenades.

Boom!  RIP, Colonel Grenade Nips.

 Bonus: Reverend Meeker's transformation from rather mild holy man with a touch of a drinking problem, to a drunken preacher of fire and brimstone, spouting words on "the day of reckoning," (which he obviously plans to help usher along, with help from his squishy purple friend)

Before Blob....

After Blob 
(and waiting on a "sign from God" to release the beast)

 I've read some things indicating that there might very well be another remake of this in the near future, and if there is I'll probably give it a shot, but there isn't a chance in hell that I could ever love it the way that I love this movie. Unless they can maybe get Kevin Dillon to return with his mullet.