Sunday, September 14, 2014

Three Of My Favourite Nicolas Cage "Face Swaps" (Part 2)

Part 1

I have no words...


This one I find freakily plausible.


And then, people, I FOUND THIS FANTASTIC BLOG! Go forth, and enjoy the Cage Swaps.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Three Thoughts On Big Bad Wolf

   Hey, kids, wanna watch a movie with a snarky, talking, rapey werewolf? How about a moron who doesn't know when to get the hell out of dodge, a quartet of highly unlikable college students, or a news crew that spends most of their time running away from angry people? If any of this sounds appealing, then Big Bad Wolf may be for you!

   This is not a good movie, but is was an entertaining one. A group of drunk, horny kids, cabin in the woods, werewolf, survivors kicking ass- that old chestnut. I will not reveal who the werewolf is (though IMDB just blows it right out of the water) although I do have to admit it's pretty obvious from the start who it is. There will be gore spoilers at number 3, but I will be giving another spoiler head's up right before we get there. So, let's give this a go:

1.  Hey, it's Marnie from Halloweentown! (real name: Kimberly J. Brown)

Halloweentown Marnie

Big Bad Wolf Marnie (her name is really Sam, in this)

  I am quite familiar with the Halloweentown movies, having a baby sister 12 years my junior who loved the Halloweentown adventures (and they were pretty good, I have to admit) Unfortunately, Kimberly Brown is always going to be "Marnie from Halloweentown" to me, despite the fact that she was also Annie Wheaton in Stephen King's Rose Red (I always felt that Rose Red was an underrated tv mini-series, anyone else have any thoughts on that?) Anyway, Marnie has grown up into Sam, sporting a nose ring, riding a motorcycle, and making her living as a mechanic (with nary a parent to be seen) She's the BFF of our resident "Hero-Nerd," and she's pretty kick ass- and can use a bow, to boot.

2.  The wolf make-up was ok in parts, absolute shit in other parts, and the full transformation scene was a CGI nightmare. However, there were 2 or 3 shots where our wolfman was fighting off the transformation, and the small twists and changes on his face were quite well done (not sure if they were CGI, Practical Effects, or a combo, but it looked good)  (As an aside, the movie used both practical and CGI, which leads us to number 3. Also:


3.  Some of the Practical Effects were pretty good, so I shall list off a couple of my favourites:

   -Tug-of-War scene between some kids and the werewolf, and this happens to their buddy (who had some weird sexual fetishes, I thoroughly enjoyed his dialogue with his girlfriend out in the woods)

   -Violent removal of male genitalia, complete with snarky comment from our werewolf:

   -Werewolf peels off the top of a man's head like you pop the top off a beer.

 There are some other good moments, but I will leave them for your own discovery. 

  Bonus- In one of the funniest scenes of the entire movie, the wolf (now back in man form and covered in blood) burps up a finger. He looks at it blankly for a moment, then casually pops it back into his mouth and eats it. I actually laughed out loud. (And I wish fervently that I could find a clip of that scene on youtube, but no such luck)


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Three Of My Favourite Nicolas Cage "Face Swaps" (Part 1)

I love this so much, I can't even explain.

Mr. Coppola as a Scream Queen.

I would hang this poster up so fast.

I wish I could be, part of his wooooorld.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Three Things I Enjoy About Tales From The Darkside: Strange Love

  Strange Love is the tale of 2 vampire lovers in the mid-1930s:

Marie, played by Marcia Cross


Edmund, played by Harsh Nayyar
(who, incidentally, smokes like Keyser Soze)

When Marie "stumbles in the moonlight" and injures her knee, our good doctor makes a house call, and is soon imprisoned to care for her (vampires can't exactly cart off to the hospital, now can they?)

Dr. Phillip Carrol, played by Patrick Kilpatrick

  This is by no means a great episode, but I have always been vastly entertained by Marcia Cross's blinding white skin, and Kilpatrick's mouth-breathing, wooden performance. Not to mention some of Edmund's laughable vampire "powers." If I need to say SPOILERS for an episode that is over 25 years old, then so be it. And for your viewing pleasure, I am linking the entire 20 minute episode at the end of this post. (Seriously, it's hysterical, give it a shot)

  1. Marie's "bat wing" dress. 

  Man, I love this thing. It's just so ostentatious.

  And she rocks it like a champ.

  If I ever find a dress like this, I will buy a red wig and go as "Marie" for Halloween one year.

  2. Edmund and Phillip play "Mercy" as a show of dominance. Remember what "Mercy" is?

I advise turning down the sound to avoid the ear-piercing, girlish screams.

  The scene is absolutely ridiculous, as Marie and Edmund both make it a point to bring up their "superhuman" strength. And then Phillip and Edmund play Mercy, trying to out do each other. So, yeah.

First they hold hands...

Then Edmund gets all fangy...

Then Phillip gets fangy...
(I feel I should mention the overabundance of hissing during this scene)

Marie doesn't seem too impressed, does she?

And then Philip gets the upper hand, which brings us to...

  3. The laughably bad "staking" scene, where you can clearly see the padding beneath Edmund's shirt. (And a distinct lack of blood to start with)

  Bonus: They sleep in a double coffin bed!

I have dreams of spending one night in a double coffin bed.

As promised: Strange Love

Monday, June 16, 2014

Three Sexy Facial Scars On Screen

  I have what is probably an odd affinity for scars. Not all types of scars (I'm not interested in burns, for instance) mostly scars made by something sharp. Slashes and slices and gashes, etc. While watching a recent show (more on that at the end of this post) I considered a few of my more favourite facial scars that I've seen in movies and on television. These are the first ones that popped into my head.

  1. Kakihara (Tadanobu Asano) from Ichi the Killer

From the moment that I saw this-

Kakihara was my man. The bleach blonde hair, that insanely cool wardrobe, and those cheek splits. Not to mention the fantastic slashes across his face:

Ichi might have been the killer, but he was rather boring. Kakihara was what kept me interested in the movie.

  2. Ma-Ma (Lena Heady) from Dredd

Oh, Ma-Ma, you evil, scarred, violent, sexy woman.

I love strong women, even when they're criminals. In a way, they're more fascinating, rising to the top of what is generally male dominated- the world of crime.

  3. Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) Game of Thrones

Never has The Imp looked sexier....

I'm a newcomer to the awesomeness that is Game of Thrones (by this I mean that it's only been this year that I had any interest in it- Alaska and I watched the 1st three seasons in less than two weeks, and we only have the last two episodes of season 4 to watch, now), and it's been one hell of a ride. Tyrion is one of the few men whom I actually care if they live or die. Him and Hodor. Hodor!, also with facial scars, to hide Kristian Nairn's tattoos it would seem:

Bonus Hodor Scar

  Bonus: Sgt. Barnes (Tom Berenger) from Platoon

I loved this movie as a kid, and watched it constantly. I also read somewhere that during filming, having the scar applied to his face daily became extremely painful.

I was 10 when this movie came out, so it's quite possible this was one of the first scars that led me down my road of fascination with wounds and scarring.

Real Scar Bonus: Tommy Flanagan

And here we come to the inspiration for this list, the delicious Tommy Flanagan and his "Glasgow Grin." (Alaska and I are currently binge-watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix, and I was delighted that Tommy was a main character)

I read that Tommy got his scars one night coming home from a DJ gig in Scotland, when he was jumped by a few thugs. I can't even begin to imagine how horrible that was, but I also cannot deny that I find his scars sexy as all hell.

And damn, the man looks good in a hat.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Three Movie Duologies That I Wish Had Been Trilogies

 1. Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Kill Bill Vol. 2

  There are so many things that I love about these movies: the phenomenal fight sequences, the overabundance of spraying blood, Sonny Chiba, Gogo Yubari,

I own a shirt with this picture and the caption
"WWGD?" (a gift from husband)

By now, everyone is aware that this was supposed to be a trilogy, with Vernita Green's daughter Nikki seeking vengeance for her mother's death. I always had a small niggle in the back of my head that it would be awesome if Daryl Hannah's "Elle" had played the role of Master to Nikki's Student. (You will recall that Elle was blinded but not dead when The Bride left her caterwauling in Budd's trailer)

 The Boondock Saints was not really a movie that I was too interested in, until Alaska entered my life. He raved on about how good the first one was (the second came out the first year that he and I were dating, actually) so I gave it a shot. Mostly because of Willem Dafoe, whom I adore:

He makes for a right ugly woman, I have to say.

I'm adding this only because it made me laugh...

I loved the first film, of course, so I had to watch the second one when it came out. And it was just as freakin' good! I loved Eunice (and her sky high heels) as their new "handler," and I love this man right here:

I'm totally making this my computer background...

Clifton Collins, Jr. is another one of those guys who just entertain the hell out of me whenever he shows up (usually because I see him playing whack jobs, I suppose) All Saint's Day, of course, ends with the boys locked up and being heavily eyeballed by unsavory characters. It would have been so fantastic to see more of that situation. 

Another poster that adorns my office walls.

* Update- 9/19/14- I've been hearing and reading that there is, in fact, a third Boondock movie in the works! I fervently wish it to be so.

 3. Hellboy and Hellboy II

 I enjoy Ron Perlman and his Neanderthal brow.

 Although Hellboy was good, it was the second movie that I enjoyed enough to start hoping for a third. I mean, c'mon, who isn't interested in seeing Hellboy babysitting his twins? Just imagine the chaos for a moment.

 Bonus: My Girl and My Girl 2

I've always liked these movies, and this idea actually came about in a tongue-in-cheek manner. Anna Chlumsky showed up on two episodes of Hannibal ("Entree" and "Sorbet," respectively) and I just thought to myself, "How cool would it be to see mortician's daughter Vada Sultenfuss end up joining the FBI to track down serial killers?"

"Behind you, Vada!"