Monday, December 2, 2013

Three Things I Love About Road House

   It has only been in the past few years that my love of Road House has firmly taken root. By chance, I ran across it on cable at Alaska's place (he and I were still in dating mode, at the time) and it was so cheesy, and actiony, and bloody, that I wondered how I had ever thought this movie was anything other than a masterpiece of 80's goodness. So great was my new love of this film that Alaska purchased it for me on Blu-Ray, soon after that. I'm stepping off on a side track for a moment, to simply express my horror at the Blu-Ray cover:

   Poor Patrick Swayze, airbrushed within an inch of his life, and to the point that it doesn't even look like him. Compare the two covers, and tell me there isn't something wrong with that. Anyway, this list has been sitting around in a pile on my desk for awhile now, and I figured (after another recent viewing) that I finally needed to get on this. And away we go with three things that I love about Road House:

  1. The triad of glorious hair:

 We have Dalton's (Patrick Swayze) feathered mullet of perfection:

  Doc's (Kelly Lynch) feathered blonde lion's mane:

  Wade's (Sam Elliot) feathered salt and pepper curls and matching facial scruff:

    2. I found myself torn here between Dalton's gratuitous ass shot:

     And Dalton tearing out a man's throat with his bare hands:

   Both scenes amuse me greatly, although probably not for the same reasons.

   3. It's Oh, So Quotable!

  Everybody: "I thought you'd be bigger."

  Jimmy: "I used to fuck guys like you in prison." (I always laugh at this line, too, because really, Jimmy? I don't think I would brag about that. Nor does it sound very intimidating.)

  Dalton: "Pain don't hurt."

  Dalton: "I'm telling you straight, it's my way or the highway."

  Hank: "He killed a guy once. Ripped his throat right out."

  Doc: "Do you always carry your medical records around with you?"
  Dalton: "Saves time."

  Tinker: "A polar bear fell on me."

  Wesley: "You disgust me, O'Connor. Do you want to know why you disgust me? Because you're a bleeder. You bleed too much. You are a messy bleeder. You're weak. You've got no endurance for pain."

   Bonus: Dalton sews up his own knife wound. As some of you may know, I have a fondness for people sewing up their own wounds. This is a pretty good one, and I am always amused by the back and forth of Dalton and Doc when she compliments his stitches.


Thursday, November 21, 2013

Three Of My Favourite Moments From Creepshow

  From my first viewing at one of my girlhood slumber parties, I have adored this movie. I suspect that Creepshow is actually a big part of the reason that I have such a love for anthologies. I could have made any number of different lists for this movie, but for today I am going with my three favourite moments. Everyone, of course, loves Ed Harris's crazy disco dancing:

  And who doesn't enjoy Upson Pratt's cockroach comeuppance?

  The following scenes are ones that give me that extra little pop of joy, for reasons that I can't really name. In order of appearance:

  1. Nathan Grantham  twists Sylvia's head completely around, and off, and then decorates it like a birthday cake.

  2. Every time Wilma "Just call me Billie" screeches "Henry!" Poor Hal Holbrook, I would have fed her to the Crate Monster, too.

  3. The final freeze on Richard's (Leslie Nielsen, whom I love) face at the end of "Something To Tide You Over."

   It is the same in the Creepshow book:

  Bonus: Mr. White and Upson Pratt's back-and-forth through the magnifying peephole.

  Head over to the Happy Haunted Sunshine House and check out my signed copy of the Creepshow comic/graphic novel.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Three Awesome YouTube Series

1.  BAMF Girls Club - Comediva

   Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Buffy (the vampire slayer), Katniss (Hunger Games), Hermione (Harry Potter), Michonne (The Walking Dead), Lisbeth (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) and Bella (Twilight) all lived in one house? No, me neither, but it sure is funny! There are currently 12 episodes, with additional outtakes and behind-the-scenes.


Episode 1:

2. Convos With My 2 Year Old - Convos With My 2-Year-Old

  This man reenacts conversations that he's had with his 2 (and now 3) year old daughter, along with another fully grown man. It's a little creepy at first, but hysterically funny! There are currently 13 episodes, with outtakes and a Q & A with the two men.

Episode 1:

3. Mario Warfare - beatdownboogie

   I have nothing to say other than this is awesome, and Toad is the man. There are currently 4 episodes (between 10-12 minutes each) with extras.


Episode 1:

Bonus: 3 Golden Sisters - 3GoldenSistersTV

   Three senior women talk about all manner of things, and it's funny as hell. They have over 100 episodes, along with outtakes. This was the first video I ever saw from them:

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Three Things I Liked About The Convent

  This 2000 movie is pretty much Night of the Demons, only set in an old convent, and with a broad streak of humour, throughout. Featuring a stereotypical group of asshole college kids (complete with the nerdy pledge, and a lone goth girl thrown in for good measure) the delectable Adrienne Barbeau, and Coolio and Bill Moseley as the local law enforcement. This was 80 minutes of bloody good fun.

There will be SPOILERS in regards to some of the greater "gore" moments!

Yeah, I said "spoilers."

  1. Adrienne Barbeau as the foul-mouthed, motorcycle riding, demon battling Christine.

Still smokin' at 55.

  And her sweet stockpile of weapons:

Yes, she does have several nun/demon heads
hanging from her belt.

  2. The gore was pretty good, and they definitely weren't shy with the fountains of fake blood. A couple of my favourites:

   ~A Maglite is jammed into a demon's mouth and out the back of her head. This was a laugh-out-loud moment for me.

Something about watching her flail around with this in her mouth
simply slayed me.

   ~The cheerleader gets her face peeled off.

I don't know about you....

....but a good face peel always leaves me feeling a little warm and fuzzy.

   There were shotgun blasts a'plenty, a literal shower of blood, a dick chomp, and some eye trauma, as well. (The dvd extras showed some longer takes from the gore scenes, as well, which was kinda neat)

  3. Dickie Boy and Saul, the "Satanists." I find myself unable to describe how awesomely dorky and hysterical these two were. Every moment they were on screen was a joy. This following clip is Saul's grand entrance, and grand it is. 

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Three Things I Love About Trick 'r Treat

   I love everything about the movie Trick 'r Treat. I love this movie so much, and have watched it so often since my discovery of it, that Alaska began using the term "trick 'r treat" to mean "the ability to recite entire chunks of dialogue (if not the entire movie) from memory, due to repeated viewings."  Example: "I can trick 'r treat the hell out of The Monster Squad. I've seen it over 200 times." Since I do love everything about this movie it was a little tough picking out just three things to make a list from, but I managed. And away we go-

  1. Sam.

   Adorable, deadly, and a wonderful icon of Halloween! I embraced Sam with the fervent love that I also give to Jason Voorhees. (Check out my Sam collection over at the Happy Haunted Sunshine House!)

  2. The makers of this movie had a powerful love of practical effects. The CGI in this movie is actually used to enhance, not as a lazy convenience, and I am A-OK with that. Not only does this movie have one of the most realistic severed heads that I have ever seen in a movie:

   But the werewolf transformation scene is one of my favourites of all time. I nearly went into a fit of ecstasy the first time that I saw the women tearing off their skins to reveal the wolf-fur underneath. Not to mention, the wolves themselves were pretty phenomenal.


  3. All the stuff going on in the background. It's easy enough to note the interlocking scenes, but multiple viewings had me noticing more and more. Some of my favourites are:

~ In the opening scenes with Emma and Henry, we see The Schoolbus Kids leaving Mr. Kreeg's house.

The Schoolbus Kids, far left.

~Some of the other werewolf girls picking up their dates.

L-R: Werewolf girl, werewolf girl, Emma in the coffee shop window.

~Laurie chatting up a soldier in the background as we leave the alleyway with The Man in Black.

The Man in Black, in the background, Laurie

~Mrs. Henderson with "Coach Taylor, in the hotdog costume" at the werewolf party at Sheep's Meadow. You don't see her face, but just look at the costume:

Mrs. Henderson, our "mature" werewolf. This is also where
we see Coach Taylor "buttfucking a pig."

Hard to get a good shot of this, but if you watch the scene you can see, even
without her face, that that is Mrs. Henderson's cat costume. Not to mention that is 
definitely Coach Taylor, whom we saw earlier in the movie.

Bonus: The Blu Ray bonus footage contains some deleted scenes, one of which just cracks me up every time I decide to re-watch it. For starters, the wankers who play the trick on Rhonda are leaving Mrs. Henderson's house, comparing their gains, and Chip pulls this out of his bag:

That's no banana, it's a day-glo yellow vibrator.

A few moments later, Macy and Chip have this exchange, while standing in front of Rhonda's house:

Chip: "Is that Rhonda the retard?"
Macy: "She's not a retard, she's an idiot savant." 
(That is the extent of the conversation that made it into the movie-it originally carried on)
Chip: "What the fuck's the difference?"
Macy: "Retards are as strong as apes."
Chip: "Really?"
Macy: "Tear your arms right off."

  I laugh every time over the "tear your arms right off" bit. It's just such a kid thing to say, and I love it.


Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Three Things I Liked About Bad Girls From Valley High

  Bad Girls From Valley High is a surprisingly funny tale of revenge, with a twist or two. We have rapidly aging teen girls in adult diapers, senior citizen stereotypes, a hot foreign exchange student (who may, or may not, be a ghost) Janet Leigh (!) and a surprising take on the devil (although, really, it makes sense upon reflection) This is currently a watch instantly on Netflix.

  1. Aaron Paul as a spastic dweeb. Hyperactive, annoying, with a crush on head bitch Danielle, and no one aside from Bad Girl #3, Brook, likes him (although borderline brain dead jock Gavin seems to tolerate him)

He looks like he should be hawking computers.

 Alaska is a Breaking Bad fan, so I am used to seeing hardass, rough-around-the-edges, Jesse Pinkman up on the screen. Jonathan "Wart" Wharton is about as far from Jesse as one could get.

  2. Mr. Chauncey (Christopher Lloyd, doing what he does best, which is play Christopher Lloyd on the big screen) gets the crap beaten out of him throughout the movie. A couple of my favourites were:

   ~Being tackled through a dressing room door and then being shit-kicked by the woman
      he walked in on.

   ~Being accidentally closed up in the automatic bleachers by the volleyball coach.

   ~Attacked by a pack of Pomeranians while dressed as a clown.

He looks so much worse later on.

  3. The ending. Everything comes full circle, questions are answered and, as mentioned, we get a glimpse of the devil. And it is awesome.


Monday, September 23, 2013

Three Things I Love About The Monster Squad: Then And Now

  I love this movie with every fiber of my being, and I have since my first viewing at least 25 years ago. Even today I can throw it on and just enjoy the ride. Since I enjoyed doing my Then and Now: The Blob post so much, I figured I would do one for The Monster Squad, as well. (I keep reading about a Monster Squad remake, which I admit hurts my soul a little) Anyway, here are three things I loved about The Squad, then, and three things I (still) love about The Squad, today.

The Monsters

The Monster Squad


  1. Sean's "Stephen King Rules" t-shirt. From the moment that I first laid eyes on it, I coveted that shirt (being a King obsessed pre-teen myself)

  About 5 or 6 years ago I ran across this t-shirt for sale on a website, and I bought one immediately. I wear it all the time around the house:

I took this picture when I first got it...
not sure why I clipped my head off.

  2. Patrick (Robby Kiger) Man, did I have the hots for Patrick.

  I think that a big part of the reason that I crushed on Patrick, and not Sean, is because back then I wanted to be Sean: his awesome treehouse, a mom who bought him old journals from spooky houses (my mom was cool, but not that cool) and he could see (and hear, thanks to some set-up he had going on) the drive-in movies from the roof of his house (plus, he had that kick ass t-shirt!)

  3. The Treehouse. That glorious treehouse! My brother and I had a treehouse, but it was just a wooden platform with railings, and I would have done almost anything to have a club house like the Monster Squad had. (On a side note, I always felt like I would have been welcomed into the Monster Squad, despite my lack of penis. I was certain that they would have been impressed by all of my monster knowledge) 

  There was one thing I noticed upon a recent viewing, though it's a blink too long and you miss it moment. 

  I noticed the white and blue spherical object stuck in the cinder block. I rewound this scene and paused it a few times, but could not get a clearer picture. But I know what I'm looking at:

  Totally blurry, but no doubt in my mind that is an Oculus Orbus Madball! I know, because I own one (and did a post on it a while back)

  Bonus- "Wolfman's got nards!" How can you not love a line like that?


  1. I love, love, that when The Squad realizes that they need a virgin to recite the ritual, everyone simply ignores that any one of these boys (minus Rudy, probably) are virgins and would fit the bill nicely! It just cracks me up.

  2. Dracula's "bat penis." 

  Apparently, it does not matter how old I get, I still get a little giggle out of this scene.

  3. The Army, the freaking Army, shows up in response to Eugene's letter.

  This letter. The Army comes a'calling, locked and loaded, with tanks, because of this letter. Seriously, Army?

  Bonus:  This awesome montage. Still one of my favourites to this day.