I was 12 when this remake came out, and really hitting my horror stride. The Blob was one of my earliest movie obsessions, and I still own the bootleg VHS copy that I used to watch all those years ago. I have since upgraded to a DVD, and during a recent viewing it occurred to me that the things I loved back then about this movie are not necessarily the things that I appreciate today. So, today is a double list. Three things that I liked about The Blob as a kid, and three things I like about The Blob today. (Do I need to say "spoilers" for a movie that's 25 years old? Probably not, but it's there, anyway.)
1. The "Can Man" (the bum in the woods, and also the first victim) creeped me out more than Blob did.
We lived on 10 acres of highly wooded land at the time, in an area that was set far back from the main road and was also not highly inhabited, so it was easier for me to imagine Can Man coming out of the woods to get me than it was for me to imagine Blob. And, where we were, it wasn't likely anyone would have heard me scream, if he had. I was an imaginative weirdo who loved nothing more than creeping myself out, so Can Man fit that bill nicely.
2. Scott's trunk "bar" and subsequent "boob death." This one is a bit of a mystery for me, as I have no idea why I was so fascinated by sleazy Scott's bar in his trunk.
He even has a hoop, for when he's bored with date rape.
I was hit with nostalgia when I saw the Hawaiian Punch in a can.
I do know why I enjoyed his death back then, however. I knew there was something wrong with feeling up a chick who's passed out in your car. Scott got what he deserved.
His uninvited hand.
Is there some trouble?
It Came From Outer Boobs!
This mask was supposed to be Erica Eleniak.
Most definitely not the kind of "tongue" he was hoping for.
I think I would have closed my mouth....
He got a mouthful, and thus ends the tale of Date-Rape Scott.
3. The movie theater massacre! Meg's brother and his friend sneak off to see "Garden Tool Massacre" (a movie that I used to fervently wish was real) and, of course, Blob shows up. I don't go to movie theaters today (Alaska and I do patronize our local Drive-In) but even back then I found theaters to be rather unsettling. Something about sitting in the dark with a bunch of strangers just didn't mesh well with me. I can say that I would have liked to experience The Blob's movie theater scene in an actual movie theater. Hell, I'd probably enjoy that today.
And, Kevin sees Blob.
Kevin attempts to flee, but falls down like a girl being chased by Jason Voorhees.
Big sister Meg to the rescue.
Doesn't really look too scary....
....but if it touches you, it dissolves you.
(this is a great face trauma scene, I still enjoy it today)
I, literally, thought to look for a clip while typing this out,
and was most surprised to actually find one.
1. Meg Penny (Shawnee Smith), our Final Girl. Meg starts off as a perky cheerleader looking forward to her date with the football hero (which, these days, would mean almost certain death for her)
Look at her, she's adorable.
But Meg is smart, and definitely smart enough to believe what she sees with her own eyes. She readily adapts to the crazy. Before long, our good girl cheerleader is sneaking out of her house to bail out resident bad boy, Brian Flagg, then, later on, sneaking away to rescue her little brother. She does battle with Blob like a champ. And while Flagg helps her out of a couple of jams, she definitely returns the favour, not hesitating to pick up a fire extinguisher or a machine gun (In a slight moment of realism, it takes our cheerleader a bit of fumbling to get the gun to work) It's Meg who risks her life to save Flagg, and it's Meg, ultimately, who defeats Blob.
Got my explosives....
Got my gun....
Time to kick some ass.
Frozen Blob, thanks to Meg blowing the snow-maker truck.
2. Brian Flagg's (Kevin Dillon) sweet ass afro-mullet.
Man, it's gorgeous.
I imagine that it smells of axle grease and lilacs.
It is worth noting that the length of this beautiful work of art
changes occasionally throughout the movie- sometimes very obviously.
3. "Grenade Nips." Sweet peaches, I do not know how I ever missed the guy with the grenades hanging from each nipple for all of these years. And then he pulls the pins....(I have no shame in admitting that I re-watched this scene 4 or 5 times, giggling like a 10 year old boy who's just found his first Playboy)
I guess you have to "tweak" grenades to make them work.
He hit the right spot, and is quite happy about it.
No one comes between him and his nipple grenades.
Boom! RIP, Colonel Grenade Nips.
Bonus: Reverend Meeker's transformation from rather mild holy man with a touch of a drinking problem, to a drunken preacher of fire and brimstone, spouting words on "the day of reckoning," (which he obviously plans to help usher along, with help from his squishy purple friend)
(and waiting on a "sign from God" to release the beast)
I've read some things indicating that there might very well be another remake of this in the near future, and if there is I'll probably give it a shot, but there isn't a chance in hell that I could ever love it the way that I love this movie. Unless they can maybe get Kevin Dillon to return with his mullet.